Battle of VMAs: God Forbid We Try
The VMAs, while producing some historical moments, fall short compared to its big siblings like the Grammys when it comes to the fashion scene. Celebrities tend to be lazy with their outfit choices; most are not spending months deciding if the lining of their dress should be midnight blue or navy blue, but I greatly sympathize with their mentality.
If I weren’t talking about A-Listers with affluent stylists who could make some calls and have them in Paris for haute couture fittings within weeks, I could excuse this lack of effort. It’s like Wharton Investment & Trading Group trying to compete with Goldman Sachs — it doesn’t work. I think we should all be Lana Del Rey: Shop at Macy’s, and buy discounted dresses so we can walk the red carpet looking like we just left our husband’s high school reunion that we were reluctant to attend. In fact, I think that’s what the celebrities did this year.
Chappell Roan in Paco Rabanne Courtesy of Getty Images
Chappell Roan came to her first major award show in a sheer, gothic Y-Project gown, pairing bracers over chainmail and a sword — sensual but at last a warrior protected by God. She reprised the fighter image twice: Once receiving her award in Paco Rabanne and once during her performance in full armor, which her stylist confirmed was a reference to Joan of Arc. Maybe her absence from All Things Go was to fight in a war.
The best looks of the night were served by her, so kudos to her for putting more than an ounce of effort into the VMAs while pissing off half of Germany for canceling the Berlin show, allegedly.
Taylor Swift in Dior Courtesy of Getty Images
Taylor Swift wore a full yellow tartan Dior dress. I argue this is the ugliest red carpet dress ever made by Dior: The tartan print is a mess on the bodice, the bubble hem looks like a failed sewing project, and the arm bracers add nothing substantive to the overall look. The number was from the Scotland Resort collection, which at the time marked a new low for Maria Grazia Chiuri (the Grand High Witch of Dior Womenswear). It’s mind-boggling how the biggest celebrity in the world struggles to find one stunning dress after more than a decade in the public eye. This isn’t entirely Dior’s fault, as much as I dislike their recent designs. Anya Taylor Joy has frequently worn beautiful Dior gowns, by no means delicious, but at least tasteful.
Lil Nas X Courtesy of Getty Images
Lil Nas X hit the red carpet in an astronaut-biker concoction, referencing the Power Rangers. Despite being a costume, it looks properly made in leather, even down to the cone-shaped antennae on the helmet, which are also wrapped in leather. I appreciate him taking risks on every red carpet, giving us a bit of a laugh.
Katy Perry in Who Decides War Courtesy of Getty Images
In a beautiful piece from the up-and-coming brand Who Decides War. Nothing deserving of a standing ovation, but reminds me of the McQueen’s oyster dress ever so slightly. I’m uncertain about the execution of this look. First, the underskirt is a gray baby blue, which isn’t the most flattering color. The frills, meant to evoke decay, are orderly arranged, making them look like curtain decor. Adding another layer of frills going in various different directions might have been the better choice.
Doechii in Thom Browne Courtesy of Getty Images
Doechii dons a very basic look from Thom Browne. Mothing ugly, but with so many more exciting options from the brand, why choose this off-the-rack piece? A reminder that Thom Browne did just put on a mesmerizing haute couture show last season. I’m not asking her stylist to be Law Roach, but being half of him would be a kind gesture.
Tate McRae in Roberta Cavalli Courtesy of Getty Images
Tate McRae wore a full lace cocktail bodysuit from Cavalli. It’s quite basic, but at least it doesn’t hurt the eyes. At first, it reminded me of Kourtney Kardashian in Dolce & Gabbana, but after some digging, I realized both looks are a reference to Britney Spears’s D&G number from the 2001 VMAs. So despite the lack of creativity in the dress, I’ll give her points for putting some thought into this outing.
Shawn Mendes in Dolce & Gabbana Courtesy of Getty Images
It’s hard to expect anything more than a monotone suit from men. Not that I don’t enjoy a white tie moment, but they are often poorly tailored. Shawn Mendes looked like he came from a dinner party that had a dress code: “Boring black outfits only!”. He peaked when he paid homage to Robert Mapplethorpe at the Met Gala, and then he lost it–case in point: His Dr. Strange Cosplay. Note that I’m not saying he wasn’t lost before of course. I do, however, appreciate the metal toe-tap boots. There’s one thing he never misses on the red carpet—a good pair of boots.
Rauw Alejandro in Saint Laurent Courtesy of Getty Images
I have a bone to pick here. On one hand, he looks good: The sleeves fall at the right length, no visible creases on the blazer, and he’s not engulfed by the look. On the other hand, if you’re going to pull something from Saint Laurent, why a full-black, “let me blend into the wall” number? I could go into any Saint Laurent store and pick out an outfit that’s more interesting.
Chris Olsen in Prada Courtesy of Getty Images
I almost deleted him from this compilation, but I decided to be a hater once again.
Two things:
He deserves flowers for not wearing an ill-fitted suit without a shirt. God bless.
His neck is not built for any turtle neck of any size, whatsoever.
Lisa in Mugler Courtesy of Getty Images
She’s wearing a more demure look from, leaving more to the imagination than we usually see from Mugler — not a bad number overall. I like the silhouette, which nicely contours and elongates her body. I like the silhouette, which nicely contours and elongates her body. The hood and full coverage sleeves give her a sense of reverence, which is delectable. However, as no surprise to anyone, I have two bones to pick. One: The dull pink isn’t the most flattering, looks like someone pulled her from the attic and didn’t dust her off. Two: The patent leather on the corset gives an overpowering feel of tackiness, like the smell of rotten milk in your fridge. So, two good things and two bad things—she gets zero points for effort.
Sabrina Carpenter in Vintage Bob Mackey Courtesy of Getty Images
Simple, but she looks great—serving us old Hollywood goddess with her signature blonde hair (which turns out to be a wig this whole time). The dress fits like a glove, despite being vintage (perhaps it’s been altered). The adornments give her a radiant glow, and the large beaded appliqué isn’t overly dramatic, which is often where looks fall apart. I still wish she gave another ounce of effort over the one ounce she gave, considering she is one of the new darlings of the industry.
Camilla Cabello in Tony Ward Courtesy of Getty Images
Camilla Cabello in Tony Ward Couture, serving gothic. Honestly despite her subpar music production that places her with the C-listers, this look beats her superiors by a large margin. I’m not saying it should be sent to the Met for exhibition, but I’ll take anything to cool down the burning sensation caused by that Dior dress.
So bottom line: Please listen to your stylists. Don’t waste your coins if you think your taste is impeccable. There’s a reason — among many — that Zendaya is considered a fashion icon–she listens to Law Roach. Celebrities should attend some of Wharton’s management classes, specifically on generating great ideas and how to implement them.
Featured Image Courtesy of Getty Images